Newsletter Editor – Rob Taylor

Clairvoyance – or just luck?

The spirits  speak to us . . . .

Now here’s a tale to send shivers down your spine – remember the conundrum offered up at the end of last week’s newsletter – a picture from our archives ? Dragged randomly from the Gallery.

“Is big Ken actually THINKING?”

Ok. Nothing unusual there –  the suggestions of what he might be doing rolled in over the week, but the REAL message from the misty past struck home on Friday. The results from round 4 finalised  and this echo  from the past wrote itself as a new headline . . . .

Yes. He was awake , and yes, he was thinking – BUT what he was ACTUALLY thinking was…….

“I wonder how it feels to be docked 4 ½ points  in one game?”

So read on and laugh and cheer and weep and slap your sides with mirth – Big Ken is enshrined into our Hall of Fame.

You have got to Love Senior’s handicapping – it’s a fountain that just keeps giving!!!

Autumn League round 4 : Friday 17^th November 2023

And the sun shone, and the wind abated, and the temperature rose and . . .there was certainly too much red wine supped the night before.

In truth – the weather did what it had for many a long time. C’mon! It’s Britain in the Autumn – what ARE you expecting!

The field shuffled round in the gloom.There were 50 players in total, 34 from Div 1 and 16 from Div 2. Now that’s a good turn-out in Autumn.

• 10 played below their handicap,( silly boys)
   
• 22 played in the ‘zone’ which is between 25pts and 30pts where their handicap is not affected.
   
• 18 played over their handicap.
   
• No one managed a 2 this week again.

The treasurer was seen to smile over this last statistic – unkind people said it was “wind”.  Having suffered at his hand as a late payer of a match fee before – I go with the “wind” theory.

OK, so now comes the good bits ( as long as your name isn’t Ken of course)

Division 2 Results

Winner        –         Ken Pearce with a MIND BOGGLING  39pts

R/up             –         Ron Thornton with 33pts

3^rd                –         Ken Narraway with 32pts

Division 1 Results

Winner        –         Bob Ellison with 35pts (not the same Bob who told this reporter not a few months ago “ Oh , I couldn’t hit a cow in the bum with a banjo –  my game has gone to pot” – surely not him?)

R/up             –         Grahame Brickell with 33pts on a card play-off.

3^rd                –         Steve Gosling also with 33pts.

Charlie Hill also scored 33pts. Charlie doesn’t get an official  mention though as he was fourth – but he still gets his handicap – chopped. Love this  reporting job – really do!

 And how are we going with the league?

• John Armstrong now leads division 1 ( need to recheck the figures here. John A – actually leading something?)  ,
• Phil Ormesher still the leader in division 2.( definitely need a recheck. Wolf in sheep’s clothing methinks)

But of course – only 4 rounds gone.  . . . 4 more to go.

 4 more opportunities to take Big Ken’s record away from him.

Come on guys ! Someone can shoot a reasonable 40 points surely????

And PLEASE . A couple, or even three  “Two’s” this week? Steve is looking far too happy – Make a young man happy. He thrives on misery and complaint.

Other options – The Big Ken  – “ was he THINKING?  Conundrum”.

Of course, while BK was limbering up for his assault on the handicap system, others were offering up their ideas on what was actually going on in the picture . . .

“ Early example of AI at work. In the original frame ( before doctoring) he was in his natural state . . .asleep”

Then there was one a bit punchier  . . . . . . .

“ I wonder if Les Fecitt is actually going to buy me a coffee today? . . .”

Then there was a page of prose:

“There is a very old “West Country” saying  . . . “Sometimes I sits, sometimes I thinks, but mostly I just sits”.

This study of “Art in Motion” (OK. Stretching the motion bit) was taken by a budding David Bailley in our  section (oh c’mon, surely you remember who he was – maybe he still is- not sure? Photographer to the rich and famous) 

Or perhaps reminiscent of Whistlers Mother? ( Mother? Now you are stretching it)

Or maybe Rodin’s “The Thinker”?( Thinker? No chance)

Or maybe “ Mohammed contemplating the Mountain”?

It just proves  . . . Art is – everywhere, if you take the time to look.”

There were others, all along these themes- over half a dozen replies in all via e-mail, WhatsApp and one shouted across the car park ! It’s a great comfort to know that you need two hands to count the number of our readership every week.

And who was the contributor of the “page of prose ?  Either a latent Shakespeare, perhaps a closet Dickens ? You’re probably right – an escaped lunatic actually – but does this not  make him a perfect candidate for taking a turn at the editing role???

Step forward that man – let your light shine out!

Happy Mondays – 20^th November 2023.

OK – the basic statistics. Yes , the crazy people are still turning out in their droves and yes – they did play on Monday.

No  Blizzard nor deluge will stop them.

 And what did they play? ( something really simple we hope?)  Yes! A Team Stableford.

Basics : Teams – 6 comprising 18 players . One would hope teams of 3? But who knows with the current management.

The winners ? Ken Pearce ( that fellow again – need an investigation) and Peter Willson ( the organiser no less) . 19.5 points – both went home with broad smiles and coins jingling (The committee has been advised of possible corruption at work here)

2nd – Mike Bennett, Colin Crail, Les Williams and Richard Yates – 19.3 points (CPO) ( Chairman is  this group with known bandits ? Infamy we cry)

Then they all tumbled in : The list  reads like the roll call at Warrington Prison. Charlie H, Tony, Phil P, Pete, Mark, Steve ,Eric (what? Eric Cox? Did you assay his gold coin?) Phil L ( getting near hibernation?) , Bob, Chissie, Dave C and Mr Thomas. Only a cigarette paper between them.

It just shows – anyone can play on a Monday – no matter what your criminal record smile looks like!

Oh – and a bit of gossip?  – One player booked himself in and then had a time related aberration and arrived in the car park only to find all and sundry had already departed up to the tenth. So – He  went home and decided to ( stupidly) attempt the “the queue at the Stockton Heath refuse tip”

Thereby turned a bad day into a really, really  awful day.

Another from the Archives . . . .

Remember, way back, when most of us were younger and some of you were not even seniors, we took a charabanc ( well no: actually, we all piled into Arthur’s passion wagon of the time) and took a day trip to the Senior’s open?

Well – there appeared in our next newsletter a lengthy report which had these sage words of advice on how to advance your game . . . . .

• Toss the grass up before the shot – very important to assess the wind direction (Bernard Langer was seen doing this often)
• Bending down on one knee when sighting a putt (groaning and knee cracking an added bonus)
• Wearing white and Brown two-tone shoes (obviously a senior 2019 fashion) and, occasionally do a funny walk. (quite a few seemed to have both legs down one trouser-leg at times)

The Report then went on:

For those contemplating trying out for the Tour, good news!

 It seems the catering for the players has improved immeasurably. Not many slim waistlines were seen on the course! (A bit like ours on a Friday?)It is proven: a second helping of pudding, helps to improve your game.

In the tradition of the day,  there was also a  . . . .

Newsflash– Tom Watson has announced that he is retiring from the professional circuit at the end of his round on Sunday 28^th.

On the down side; a name we have all grown up with and a gentleman player who is a joy to watch,  will no longer be out there – The up side? There is a vacancy on the Senior tour!

Sorry – it’s been a slow news week. Lazy reporters not sending in their copy. No-one forgetting to change into their  shoes and wandering out on the course in their slippers  – or any other antics.