Newsletter Editor: Rob Taylor

There are Rules and more Rules . . .
So . as the cold weather spreads its icy grip across our fair land, the Hon Sec to the governing committee has asked us all to bear in mind a few of the senior’s rules pertinent to this season.

 

• If there are 4 or more temporary greens in play on a Friday game, the competition will automatically be cancelled. Of course you can still play, but any scores carded will not count towards the League table.
• There must be at least 9 holes open to qualify as a competition and
• There must be a minimum of 9 players who submit cards.

Unlikely item 2 or 3 will apply, but just in case . . . . . we have been told.

On the bright side –  even on temporary greens , “2”s still count!

Now . . . . a strange tale . . .

This past Friday, Paul Collins was remarking to his playing partners  as they strolled up the 6^th fairway . . . “do you know, I have never seen a ship on this canal”.

He settled into his third shot but suddenly had that creepy feeling up his spine (no not his truss slipping – the ghoulish creepy one) . He dashed the swing, with the inevitable duffed shot.

A scene straight  out of the Panto Season was captured – “Look behind you” the audience cried – “ Widow Twankey, Look behind you”. ( keep up , we are working with thin material here you know)

But blow us all down! – he then had the temerity to complain over the next few holes that his nerves were shattered following the horrible experience of being “ crept up on” by a LARGE ship.

Hence a mediocre score this outing. Any port in a storm , hey Paul!

Round 5 – Autumn Session  Friday 24 November 2023

It seems unbelievable.

In JEST  , the gauntlet was thrown down last week – “try to beat Big Ken’s  record of a 4 ½ shot deduction”. Honestly – we did not think anyone in his right mind would actually try but . . . . enter our hero for this edition – Colin Crail.

Read on:

We always start with the weather – and blow us down! It was brilliant – a bit cool, but plenty of sunshine. A “No–Excuse”  type of outing.

Dancing around the course like leaves blowing in the gentle zephyr ,  49 players . Spookily – nearly  the same as the week before.

Now – the all- important statistics you all enjoy:

• 33 from Div 1 and 16 from Div 2.

• 9 played below their handicap,( as for last week – will they never learn?)
   
• 22 played in the ‘zone’ which is between 25pts and 30pts where their handicap is not affected.
   
• 18 played over their handicap ( juicy shots back) .
   
• Two managed a “2” this week – Bob Mycock and Andrew Cox – (2 nicer men you could ever wish to meet. This is a paid for advert)

OK, so now comes the good bits ( as long as your name isn’t Colin of course)

Division 1 Results

Winner – Colin Crail with 38 points. A mind boggling 5 points clear of the rest of the entire field. Not quite up with BK but a few days to contemplate what it will be like tee-ing off on Friday some 4 shots down on where he was a mere 7 days before!  

Second place – Bob  Mycock with 33 points . Card play off .

Third  place – Andrew Cox again 33 points. Card playoff.

Mike Bennett  also scored 33pts. Lost on the card playoff though so doesn’t get an official  mention– but he still gets his handicap – chopped. Hey-ho, hey-ho , it’s off to work we go . . . loving it!

Division 2 Results

 Now – much better- Not too much to get the handicap secretary excited about.

Winner – Phil Perry with a  34 points. Including  X “4 pointers”.

Second place – Colin Lees with 31 points – 2 X 4 pointers

Third place – Dave Craggs with 30 points ( sensible chap)

But of course – only 5 rounds gone.  . . . 3 more chances to shine still to come.

Where are we in the league?  John Armstrong extends his lead division 1 over Michael John, and Phil Ormesher is still leader in division 2, followed by Dave Craggs.

Please don’t forget to check your handicap on the list – on the notice board and on our lgcseniors.com website. Still too many not playing off the correct handicap.

Now – what do members get up to . . . ?

It started as a hobby, but a Warrington man is now using his jam- making talent to fundraise for a cancer charity after being diagnosed with the disease earlier this year.

Alister Cook moved into a new house in Higher Whitley which hosts a variety of fruit trees and bushes in the garden.

Not wanting to see the produce go to waste, Alister started making jams and chutneys. This was using a range of fruits and vegetables – from damsons, apples, rhubarb, raspberries and blueberries to chillis, peppers and tomatoes.

Then the idea – why not sell the produce for the charity? Which is where we are with the project today.

Alister’s fundraising page can be found at: www.justgiving.com/page/alister-cook-1698356771782.

Alister also  intends to compile the book to compliment the project , “with all the proceeds going to Lymphoma Action.”

So now you know  . . . . . . what one of us does when he’s not playing golf.

HAPPY MONDAYS – 27^TH November

After much prompting, the report that follows was eventually winkled out of the organiser . . .

Sorry  – the weather was so dank and grey I decided to duck out on Monday – 

I don’t know if anybody else played in the Happy Mondays game. 

The quality of our reporters is the envy of the national tabloids. Honest! We get calls every day trying to poach our intrepid, lazy, layabouts.

Christmas Lunch

No stand-up-sit-down bingo this year. We’ve decided instead on a free raffle. Please feel free to donate a prize for the raffle. Perhaps a bottle of something? Dave Waggitt has already offered a few balls he found recently on the course: 2x Pinnacles, 1x Donnay, and an old Penfold.

Tee Booking for Tomorrow

Newsletter Editor – Rob Taylor

Clairvoyance – or just luck?

The spirits  speak to us . . . .

Now here’s a tale to send shivers down your spine – remember the conundrum offered up at the end of last week’s newsletter – a picture from our archives ? Dragged randomly from the Gallery.

“Is big Ken actually THINKING?”

Ok. Nothing unusual there –  the suggestions of what he might be doing rolled in over the week, but the REAL message from the misty past struck home on Friday. The results from round 4 finalised  and this echo  from the past wrote itself as a new headline . . . .

Yes. He was awake , and yes, he was thinking – BUT what he was ACTUALLY thinking was…….

“I wonder how it feels to be docked 4 ½ points  in one game?”

So read on and laugh and cheer and weep and slap your sides with mirth – Big Ken is enshrined into our Hall of Fame.

You have got to Love Senior’s handicapping – it’s a fountain that just keeps giving!!!

Autumn League round 4 : Friday 17^th November 2023

And the sun shone, and the wind abated, and the temperature rose and . . .there was certainly too much red wine supped the night before.

In truth – the weather did what it had for many a long time. C’mon! It’s Britain in the Autumn – what ARE you expecting!

The field shuffled round in the gloom.There were 50 players in total, 34 from Div 1 and 16 from Div 2. Now that’s a good turn-out in Autumn.

• 10 played below their handicap,( silly boys)
   
• 22 played in the ‘zone’ which is between 25pts and 30pts where their handicap is not affected.
   
• 18 played over their handicap.
   
• No one managed a 2 this week again.

The treasurer was seen to smile over this last statistic – unkind people said it was “wind”.  Having suffered at his hand as a late payer of a match fee before – I go with the “wind” theory.

OK, so now comes the good bits ( as long as your name isn’t Ken of course)

Division 2 Results

Winner        –         Ken Pearce with a MIND BOGGLING  39pts

R/up             –         Ron Thornton with 33pts

3^rd                –         Ken Narraway with 32pts

Division 1 Results

Winner        –         Bob Ellison with 35pts (not the same Bob who told this reporter not a few months ago “ Oh , I couldn’t hit a cow in the bum with a banjo –  my game has gone to pot” – surely not him?)

R/up             –         Grahame Brickell with 33pts on a card play-off.

3^rd                –         Steve Gosling also with 33pts.

Charlie Hill also scored 33pts. Charlie doesn’t get an official  mention though as he was fourth – but he still gets his handicap – chopped. Love this  reporting job – really do!

 And how are we going with the league?

• John Armstrong now leads division 1 ( need to recheck the figures here. John A – actually leading something?)  ,
• Phil Ormesher still the leader in division 2.( definitely need a recheck. Wolf in sheep’s clothing methinks)

But of course – only 4 rounds gone.  . . . 4 more to go.

 4 more opportunities to take Big Ken’s record away from him.

Come on guys ! Someone can shoot a reasonable 40 points surely????

And PLEASE . A couple, or even three  “Two’s” this week? Steve is looking far too happy – Make a young man happy. He thrives on misery and complaint.

Other options – The Big Ken  – “ was he THINKING?  Conundrum”.

Of course, while BK was limbering up for his assault on the handicap system, others were offering up their ideas on what was actually going on in the picture . . .

“ Early example of AI at work. In the original frame ( before doctoring) he was in his natural state . . .asleep”

Then there was one a bit punchier  . . . . . . .

“ I wonder if Les Fecitt is actually going to buy me a coffee today? . . .”

Then there was a page of prose:

“There is a very old “West Country” saying  . . . “Sometimes I sits, sometimes I thinks, but mostly I just sits”.

This study of “Art in Motion” (OK. Stretching the motion bit) was taken by a budding David Bailley in our  section (oh c’mon, surely you remember who he was – maybe he still is- not sure? Photographer to the rich and famous) 

Or perhaps reminiscent of Whistlers Mother? ( Mother? Now you are stretching it)

Or maybe Rodin’s “The Thinker”?( Thinker? No chance)

Or maybe “ Mohammed contemplating the Mountain”?

It just proves  . . . Art is – everywhere, if you take the time to look.”

There were others, all along these themes- over half a dozen replies in all via e-mail, WhatsApp and one shouted across the car park ! It’s a great comfort to know that you need two hands to count the number of our readership every week.

And who was the contributor of the “page of prose ?  Either a latent Shakespeare, perhaps a closet Dickens ? You’re probably right – an escaped lunatic actually – but does this not  make him a perfect candidate for taking a turn at the editing role???

Step forward that man – let your light shine out!

Happy Mondays – 20^th November 2023.

OK – the basic statistics. Yes , the crazy people are still turning out in their droves and yes – they did play on Monday.

No  Blizzard nor deluge will stop them.

 And what did they play? ( something really simple we hope?)  Yes! A Team Stableford.

Basics : Teams – 6 comprising 18 players . One would hope teams of 3? But who knows with the current management.

The winners ? Ken Pearce ( that fellow again – need an investigation) and Peter Willson ( the organiser no less) . 19.5 points – both went home with broad smiles and coins jingling (The committee has been advised of possible corruption at work here)

2nd – Mike Bennett, Colin Crail, Les Williams and Richard Yates – 19.3 points (CPO) ( Chairman is  this group with known bandits ? Infamy we cry)

Then they all tumbled in : The list  reads like the roll call at Warrington Prison. Charlie H, Tony, Phil P, Pete, Mark, Steve ,Eric (what? Eric Cox? Did you assay his gold coin?) Phil L ( getting near hibernation?) , Bob, Chissie, Dave C and Mr Thomas. Only a cigarette paper between them.

It just shows – anyone can play on a Monday – no matter what your criminal record smile looks like!

Oh – and a bit of gossip?  – One player booked himself in and then had a time related aberration and arrived in the car park only to find all and sundry had already departed up to the tenth. So – He  went home and decided to ( stupidly) attempt the “the queue at the Stockton Heath refuse tip”

Thereby turned a bad day into a really, really  awful day.

Another from the Archives . . . .

Remember, way back, when most of us were younger and some of you were not even seniors, we took a charabanc ( well no: actually, we all piled into Arthur’s passion wagon of the time) and took a day trip to the Senior’s open?

Well – there appeared in our next newsletter a lengthy report which had these sage words of advice on how to advance your game . . . . .

• Toss the grass up before the shot – very important to assess the wind direction (Bernard Langer was seen doing this often)
• Bending down on one knee when sighting a putt (groaning and knee cracking an added bonus)
• Wearing white and Brown two-tone shoes (obviously a senior 2019 fashion) and, occasionally do a funny walk. (quite a few seemed to have both legs down one trouser-leg at times)

The Report then went on:

For those contemplating trying out for the Tour, good news!

 It seems the catering for the players has improved immeasurably. Not many slim waistlines were seen on the course! (A bit like ours on a Friday?)It is proven: a second helping of pudding, helps to improve your game.

In the tradition of the day,  there was also a  . . . .

Newsflash– Tom Watson has announced that he is retiring from the professional circuit at the end of his round on Sunday 28^th.

On the down side; a name we have all grown up with and a gentleman player who is a joy to watch,  will no longer be out there – The up side? There is a vacancy on the Senior tour!

Sorry – it’s been a slow news week. Lazy reporters not sending in their copy. No-one forgetting to change into their  shoes and wandering out on the course in their slippers  – or any other antics.

Last Friday, the 6th hole looked particularly beautiful and inviting, with autumn hues under a pure blue sky. It inspired me to change the header photo. Here is the uncropped version:

Good news: we have a guest editor for the next couple of weeks: your old favourite: the inimitable Rob Taylor!

The Fallen Leaves – Senior’s Temporary Rule

Enough of this Jazzy song – well actually , enough of you all singing along! (call that singing?)

This is a really Important Notice about a new (temporary) Senior’s rule.

The seemingly never-ending fall of leaves coupled with the soggy conditions means that balls are being lost in the fairways with horrendous regularity (shock / horror you all cry) – which is slowing play to a painful pace. ( the pace only hurt a bit before the leaves started falling – now it’s really painful).

The committee has ruled that if you and your playing partners all agree that the ball was fairly struck and is “somewhere on the fairway , round about here” but it looks hopeless – leaves abound, and you are sinking into the mud and . . . . somebody has probably stood on the missing ball already – Well , don’t dilly – dally,

Throw down your trusty mat, place a fresh ball on it, and play on – NO PENALTY.

No need for all of you to tramp round in circles waving your arms about – move the game on. It’s hard enough negotiating the assault course without having to wait while the group ahead does a slow Morris dance searching endlessly for a lost “my-best-friend -my-golf-ball.”

OK – so this could be misinterpreted. It could be a spoofers paradise – but weigh it up. We need to keep the field moving – regular movement always adds to the enjoyment of everyone ( all those who have prunes for breakfast will bear testimony – “movement is good”)

If you bang one out of bounds or into the rough where tigers live – then take your medicine like a man – when in doubt, playing a provisional ball should always be the order of the day.

The leaves don’t care where they land, fairway or in the bush. Your chances of finding your family heirloom in the rough are somewhat limited. Take out provisional insurance – you know you should.

Autumn League round 3 of 8

The third round of the Autumn session proved to be a fine sunny day. Crisp, not too cool – just really fine. Though only 10 holes were open a fine days sport was had by all – (well nearly all – there’s always some-one who blobs the first three holes) .

Star result of the day was none other than Michael John who had seven three pointers in the ten holes. Remarkable! We always knew he would get it right one day – just needed to keep practicing.

This week’s really interesting statistics.

There were 52 cards returned in total. 34 from Div 1 and 18 from Div 2.Lots of big boys out in the field.

In the all-important handicap stakes . . ..

Everyone used their correct handicaps this week. Unbelievable – well done everyone.

11 played below their handicap ( Yippee! Fine chaps. But, Oh No! Handicaps unfortunately will go . . .DOWN)

27 played in the ‘zone’ which is between 25pts and 30pts ( Round of gentle handclapping – no change)

14 played over their handicap (OH NO! – but actually . . OH YES! Handicaps will go . . UP)

Just like the old days is this – the crowd sitting around the coffee tables baying for blood!

No one managed a “2” this week. Treasurer and Keeper -of-the-balls , Steve G is grinning like the Cheshire Cat

This week’s really interesting results.

Division 2 Results:
Winner Alistair Cook with a super 38pts.
Runner up Ken Narraway with 32pts on a cpo.
Third Paul Wright also with 32pts on a cpo.

Division 1 Results:
Winner Michael John another super 38pts.
Runner up John Armstrong with 36pts
Third Martin Franks with 35pts

We are only 3 games into this session, but Michael John now leads division 1, with Phil Ormesher a clear leader in division 2.

Still lots of golf to play – watch the results as they unfold every Wednesday.

Andy Ward – Winter Pairs Knockout

The “Results” sheet on the Club notice board for the Preliminary round of the Andy Ward Pairs Knockout shows that only 1 match has been played so far.

All prelim matches are scheduled to be completed by Thursday 30th November – 16 days hence!

We live in hope .

• Some of you will have arranged ( and will soon play) your matches?
• Some of you will have already played ( and not filled in the results?)
• Some of you . . .will have done . . .nothing?

Please – if you are in the last category – DO SOMETHING. We don’t want late withdrawals or have to revert to “coin tossing” to get an outcome.

It’s important to maintain the schedule. Without this discipline there won’t be enough time to complete the session!

And, in case you need a gentle reminder :

The Format and Rules:

Seniors handicaps, yellow tees, 4 ball better-ball match play , played over 18 holes or as many are available on the match day. And , at the end of your match, fill the result in on the Notice board please!

Any issues? The organiser this year is Peter Willson. Contact him!

Christmas Dinner – 8th December

The list has been up on the notice board for some weeks now and a healthy slice of the membership have jumped at the chance already.

Now this is terrific – what’s not to like? Xmas dinner, drinkie-winkies and a chance to relive all those old stories again ( it’s OK – most of us can’t remember the story you told us last year – change a few names and repeat it!) – and all for very few Great British Pounds( £15 – that’s all!)

One downside though. A few who put their names on the list . . .still . . . . have NOT PAID!

This makes our Treasurer, Steve, very unhappy and need I say a little unpredictable. He’s taken to carrying a large hammer in the boot of his car and mutters “ kneecaps” and “ broken legs” and other such threatening words.

If your name is down and you HAVE NOT paid yet – save the NHS. Save yourself some pain. Do it now.

If your name is not down ( where have you been – living under a rock?) get it down now and then immediately . . . . .follow the advice above. Internet banking – off to our Steve – for all our sakes.

The Thinker

Just paging through the old gallery which goes back over many years we chanced upon this rather odd photo.

Odd you ask? Why?

Well we all know who it is but – he appears to be THINKING!

Is this possible – he was actually thinking? Is that actually possible?

Why is a photo of big Ken ( possibly) thinking, in our archive?

Can anyone shed any light on this strange phenomenon?

Interesting. All replies gratefully received. I’ll bet someone out there knows.

Newsletter Editor: Rob Taylor

Christmas Party Reminder

Reporter: Steve Gosling

This year’s festivities are on Friday 8th December, meal at 2pm.

A sign-up sheet is on the notice board.

Currently we have 35 signed up…but only 10 paid !

Please pay the £15 into the Senior Account

Lymm Golf Over 60’s
60-20-29
50244779

Autumn League – Round 2 of 8

Reporter: Paul Foster

The second round of the Autumn session was played on a day where most members looked out of their bedroom window before play expecting the course to be closed, but it turned out a rather pleasant day. Little rain and no wind. Perfect for low scoring. I love days like today when 20 players had their handicap docked…marvellous…

One incorrect handicap used last week, but five incorrect handicaps used this week, you know who you are, please read the handicap page for your up to date handicap.

There were 46 players in total, 34 from Division 1 & 12 from Division 2, plus newcomer Brendon Laing completing his first of three cards for handicap purposes

20 played below their handicap (I’ve got them..!)
5 played to their handicap
21 played over their handicap

Four 2s were recorded, Steve Gosling on the 2^nd, Paul Foster on the 5^th, Martin Franks & Mark Marsland on the 9^th,

So to the all important results; A very close finish in the 1^st Division with

5 players scoring 35pts!

Division 2 Results

Winner         –         Stuart Baird with a remarkable 38pts
R/up            –         Jeff Ashurst with 35pts on a cpo
3^rd                –         Dave Craggs with 35pts on a cpo

Division 1 Results
Winner         –         Mike Bennett with 35pts on a cpo
R/up            –         Martin Franks with 35pts on a cpo
3^rd                –         Michael John with 35pts on a cpo
4^th                –         Barry McGuigan with 35pts on a cpo
5^th                –         John Higgins with 35pts on a cpo

Happy Mondays – 6 November

Reporter: Peter Willson

Game – Yellow Ball – best 3 scores to count from the team (one player drops out every hole in the four-man teams) 

7 teams entered – 23 players 

1st – Charlie Heath, Mark Pickles, Phil Lomas and Bob Mycock – 77 points 

2nd – Mike Bennett, Richard Yates and Colin Crail – 74 points 

3rd – Phil Perry, Tony Lambert, Steve Barlow and Dave Craggs – 71 points 

Weather: dry cloudy, light breeze and muddy – 10 deg C

Tee booking on Thursday evenings

Grahame Brickell has taken over responsibility for tee booking rotas, from David Craggs, since David was appointed Secretary.

Grahame says he prefers to rely on emailing the tee bookers directly rather than using the newsletter.

Check on the main Lymm Golf Club website for a reminder of your tee time this Friday, 10 November.

Autumn League – Round 1 of 8

Reporter: Paul Foster

The first round of the Autumn session brought a fine, clear day with sunny spells, only 12 holes were open due to recent wet weather, which brought the need for the use of the dreaded mats. Steve ‘the actor’ Barlow showed off his brand new badminton court sized mat to all on the car park, much to the amusement of his fellow players, needless to say by the 4^th hole “it was going in the bin”..!! Steve managed to kick it further than he hit the ball on the 10^th fairway. A replacement normal sized mat was ordered on line as soon as we got back to the clubhouse…

After the recent major shake-up of handicaps, there was only 1 incorrect handicap used, well done all for checking up on the new handicap list.

There were 42 players in total, 27 from Division 1 & 15 from Division 2

11 played below their handicap
6 played to their handicap
25 played over their handicap

Two 2s were recorded, Andrew Cox & Paul Foster both on hole 2

So to the all important results.

Division 2 Results

Winner         –         Phil Ormesher with 36pts
R/up            –         Tony Lambert with 34pts
3^rd                –         Ron Thornton with 29pts

Division 1 Results

Winner         –        Paul Foster with 34pts on a cpo (15pts on back 6)
R/up            –         Peter Willson with 34pts on a cpo (13pts on back 6)
3^rd                –         Paddy Moran with 33pts

15 players have had handicap changes so please look at the new handicap list to see if it affects you.

To see your position in the league, see the Leader Boards page.

Happy Mondays

Reporter: Peter Willson

Rain, rain, more rain and throw some mud in for good luck.

Game: Shambles – highest and lowest score to count from 3 man team (teams of 4 to determine before the competition the rotational order for one player to drop out).

1st – Mark Pickles, Paddy Moran, Paul Foster and Mike Pigott – 44 points 

2nd – Tommy Lawless, Steve Barlow and Charlie Hill – 42 points 

3rd – Eric Cox, Richard Yates, Les Williams and Mike Bennett – 41 points 

4th – Tony Lambert, Charlie Heath and Steve Gosling – 37 points

5th – Phil Lomas, Dave Craggs and Peter Willson – 33 points 

6th – Colin Chisnall and Alan Thomas – 32 points 

Llangollen 6/6/2024. Final Call

Reporter: Grahame Brickell

16 seniors have currently expressed an interest to play in this Seniors Open and what has been in the past a very enjoyable seniors day out.

Any final takers? If so please message Grahame B through the IG messaging system.