The Tortoise and the Hare (Friday 20 January)

The weather forecasters’ rise in temperature did not transpire. Rather, the winter-golf ‘endurance test’ mentioned in last week’s newsletter threw up new challenges and dangers: ‘golf on ice’.

A winter-league game was not possible, due to all the greens being temporary. But perhaps, we thought, there might be a bottle of wine for the best card?

All sensible players of the senior section had crossed their names off the startsheet. However, a good number of sectioned seniors, me included, turned up.

The first two characters I met in the car park were our resident pair of Charlies: Charlie of the Hill and Charlie of the Heath, muttering about the ups-and-downs of winter golf.

Charlie Heath was down to play with Bob Mycock, of whom there was no sign. With 10 minutes to tee off, Charlie said, ‘Bob won’t turn up’. Bob did turn up, about 2 minutes before his tee time, by which time Charlie of the Heath was on the 1st green, with me, and our mutual friend Graham Utton, who had just holed out with an impressive 4 (net 3), the first of a string of 3-pointers. We all knew that Bob had now arrived, because from the 1st green we could hear him laughing and talking on the car park.

Making up the fourball with Charlie, Graham and me was Tony Lambert, but Tony seemed to have disappeared between the first tee and the green.

‘Where is he?’ We looked back down the 1st fairway. There seemed to be an immobile figure, silhouetted in the rising sun, addressing a golf ball. ‘Perhaps he’s frozen solid’, I suggested. But after two minutes of what seemed like an eternity there was bodily movement. Seconds later, Tony’s ball plopped out of the sun, and then scurried like a camouflaged white mouse, boring through the crunchy frosted grass and on to the temp green.

Tony, one of our octogenarians, has a generous senior handicap, but he evidently still takes his golf seriously. His son Steven plays off 3, and so there is competitive golfing DNA in the family. He no doubt saw his chance: two free shots on most holes, on a shortened course, with bouncy frozen ground. The bottle of wine would surely be his!

On the second hole, Tony hit his driver, arrow straight. It skidded on to the temp green, three feet from the pin. Well judged!… 15 minutes later Tony arrived to hole his putt for a 2 (net 0), and 5 Stableford points!

I started to realise that this was golf in a parallel universe, where albatrosses are possible on par 3s, time is relative, and Aesop’s Fables are lived experience.

By time we’d finished, the afternoon sun was thawing things out, and it was very pleasant on the terrace. Adding to the ambience was the ever-cheery Peter Broady, almost back to fighting fitness with his titanium knee, and who came to join us for tea and a teacake.

I think Tony did achieve the best score of the day. Would he be receiving a Rioja, or a Côtes du Rhône, or even a Stellenbosh perhaps? None of these in fact. A sonorous Peter Willson announced: “We decided not to collect the cards today. Before we could agree on a format, the earliest groups had already gone haring off, doing their own thing”.

 

 

Weekend competition report: 4 man team event (3,2,1)

And so the instructions were to wear suitable footwear. Unfortunately most of us didn’t have ice skates or crampons in our wardrobe. We respected the traffic ropes although tying them around our waist to get us up the slope to the third was considered. The course conditions were challenging with 12 of the 13 holes open on winter, white greens. Despite this some of our senior brotherhood did us proud.

At the very top of the frosted mountain stood our very own Ron Thornton and Sammy Lee who, with the help of two others, scored an incredible 69 points, 15 better than par. Jim Wilson got yet another podium placing with his team in third place with 65 points. 8 of the brotherhood, including myself, didn’t get much further than base camp, appearing in 5 of the bottom placed teams. I’m guessing none of us fancied getting altitude sickness. Mark Pickles and Paddy Moran, although coming last with 46 points, are commended for trying to compete with only 3 in their team, an impossible task. John Armstrong gets a special mention for being the player the closest I have seen to putting his tee shot off the first into the car park.

Reporter: Michael John

Senior Open Competition at Vale of Llangollen Golf Club

Ron Thornton has had several enquiries about this year’s senior open at Vale of Llangollen, which is scheduled for Thursday 1st June.

Ron says that if there is sufficient interest, he will book tee times, which are presently available from 13:30 onwards.

The cost is £55 per pair. Last year one of our pairs, Bob Ellison and Duncan Clarke, won this competition, and Sammy Lee won a round of golf for two by scoring a two on the 18th.

If you would like to play at Llangollen, contact Ron as soon as possible. Book early!

Happy Monday

Once again another 16 Arctic Trained Golfers split into 4 teams of 3 and 1 of 4 turned up to face the challenge of 15 holes all on Temporary Greens. Surely, being an extra on the Film 127 hours would be less painful than having to endure this, however Seniors are a resilient Bunch .

This Weeks Competition was a Team Stableford (All to Score) 30 pts per player being Par.

It’s hard to believe that all Teams were under Par, the Handicap Committee perusing the cards as we speak for exceptional Individual Performances of which there are a few putting their names in the Spotlight for a serious reduction (you know who you are Barlow, Hill, and Pearce).

Anyway, without further Ado the results……

The Winners at -9: Paul Foster, Charlie Hill, Steve ‘Bandito’ Barlow) and Peter ‘2lls’ Willson (Peter managed to stay awake for all 15 Holes this week).

Next In at -6: Bob Mycock, Les Feccit and Charlie Heath  

Tied at -4: Richard Yates, Colin Crail and Big Ken

 Tied at  -4: Steve Gosling, Graham Utton  and Alan Thomas  (complaining about slow play: pure Karma)    

Peter 2lls  wanted it to be known that he hit his ball within 1 inch of the Hole on the 13^th, the vision of a Button Mushroom comes to mind or very small hands, make your own conclusions

See you all next week.

Reporter: Bob Mycock     

Meanwhile, Down Under

Our secretary Rob Taylor is still enjoying himself, and sends this photo.

I’m not sure what he’s doing. Is this Rob’s inimitable golf swing, or is he attempting to swat flies from his face? If it’s the latter, I’ve got a good tip, Rob. Suspend corks from the brim of your hat. Apparently it works a treat.

 

 

Newsletter Editor: Mark Pickles